10.05.2017: Everything is not OK

I woke up this morning with a feeling that im not ok. I got sucked into my mental vortex with no one to pull me out. I was different.

The girl who would wake up ready to tackle to day was gone. Replaced by a ghost, she rose out of bed like she always did, and this time, instead of positivity, it was replaced with a spirit of mediocrity and self hatred, an apparently consistent theme of the past few weeks. She didnt smile, didnt laugh like always, that side was now obliterated. It seemed to be a dark world, one that cared too much about itself to pay attention. She missed being alone, alone with her own thoughts, and felt like she had been too dependent on others for her own satisfaction.

I broke down, in a pile of sadness and tears in a mostly black and white world. Nothing seemed to be right. Hanging out with people seemed to drain me in more ways than one. Being around people was my version of fear. I always seemed to make the first move, and realizing that I was depending on other people for my own sense of satisfaction, and i have had enough of that. I needed to escape. Somewhere where i felt understood, and where there was noone to tell me otherwise.

I did some self portraiture just to convey what I was feeling, and i shot it with a makeshift  setup in my room, and in black and white, just to convey what I was going through mentally.

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